Just a note - don't know if this is any help one way or another, though.
I, too, have read that Ismay said he thought all the women had gone before he got into the boat (in the U S Hearings, I believe). To me, this mirrored another first class passenger's, Col. Archibald Gracie's, comments about when he saw a 'mass of humanity' come up from below - he also stated he thought all the women had gone as well.
Also at the hearings, Ismay did something, frankly, made me think much more about his actions that night. The foundation had been laid by both Second Officer Lightoller and another White Star employee (don't know if a barber constitutes being a member of the crew), Augustus Weikman, who both testified that Ismay was 'ordered into the lifeboat by the officer in charge of the boat' or words to that effect. Then when Alden Smith asked him if he WAS ordered into the collapsible, Ismay replied, "No." Here the man had the perfect, IMHO, opportunity for some sort of alibi or redemption, reclamation even...but he didn't take it. How easy it would've been to have said "Yes". If Ismay was a coward or whatever people paint him, at least he did not make it easy for himself by passing the blame to a officer (Wilde or Murdoch) who did not survive to tell his own story.
Again, I don't know if this is any help one way or another.
Best regards,
Cook