Ah, but the real Robin Gardiner is the world's leading Titanic expert. it's a little known fact that there's been a switch. The Mob have substituted a Gardiner doppelganger, and the plan was to defraud investors by selling 1000% of shares in the future profits and then to publish a book so awful that there would be no profits to share out - fans of the film The Producers will know the drill. Contrary to all expectations, the first book did make a profit, but of course in order for the scam to work it should have been a disastrous failure. Thus the repeated attempts with ever more ludicrous sequels, and the increasing frustration of the conspirators when each new book sells like hot cakes. The next title, Springtime for Ismay, will be a final attempt to cut losses by publishing a work so horrendously awful that it cannot possibly be taken seriously.
Now I know you're all thinking this is nonsense, but the clues are out there. Study the pic of 'Gardiner' on his bookjackets and you will clearly see that the label on his jeans reads Levi's 400 and not 401. Ask yourself why, despite numerous warnings, 'Gardiner's' sales continue to incease in speed. Explain, if you can, why 'Paddy the Pig' is seen lurking in the background of every book launch while 'Gardiner' heads off to the drinks table with a fire in his belly and a persistent lean to the port. I could go on, as the evidence for a switch is overwhelming, but to read it all you'll need to buy my forthcoming book Gardiner - the writer that never stank.