Pat Winship
Member
How do you tell a sea story from a fairy tale?
A fairy tale always begins "Once upon a time." A sea story always begins "Now this ain't no s**t"
I have posted this one from Lightoller's Titanic and Other Ships on another board, but quite a while ago. Forgive me if you've seen it!
Now, this ain't no s**t!
(The ship is the Majestic, in a really dirty North Atlantic gale. The scene is the Officers' Mess.)
"On one occasion a huge roast of beef was planted on the Second Officer's pillow. He was on the bridge at the time, and although immensely fond of a practical joke at other people's expense, could never bear to have one played on himself, but this was on him all right. The roast of beef was on one end of the mess room table which ran athwartships, and it was the custom, in this ship only, for the First Officer to carve. The boat gave one of her terrific lurches, which, when accompanied by the propellor coming out of the water, engenders a sensation immeasurably worse than an express lift dropping from the upper floors of a skyscraper.
The First must have thought the Chief was going to check the beef. One did not, neither did the other, with the result that it came careering across the table, and having got a good start, each officer cheered it on its way. At the far end of the table, the dish was brought up with a jerk, by striking the fiddle, or wooden stretcher that is placed there to keep the cutlery and plates within bounds. The edge of the dish had just sufficient lip to give the roast an upward trend, and, although there were two bunks, one above the other, and over ten feet of space, the roast described a graceful parabola through the air, across the rest of the messroom, through Barber's cabin, and came to rest on his pillow. The messroom steward at once set out to retrieve it, but we unanimously agreed that it was in far too good a place to be disturbed.
Barber had a habit of coming off the bridge and asking the steward what the others had had for their meal, as, of course, in these ships, there is a pretty long menu. We had coached the steward before we had retired to our cabins and when Barber made his usual enquiry, "Well, Davies, what have you got," followed by "What have the others had? Oh, all right, I'll have the roast beef too," Davies replied, "The roast beef is in your bunk, sir." At first, Barber didn't know what to make of it, then, when he did realise this, as the song goes, "The air went blue for miles around." and to this day, he believes it was put there. When you take into consideration that the edge of the bunk was five feet from the deck, and ten feet from the edge of the table, it certainly did seem pretty near an impossibility, but at the same time, it will give a fairly clear idea of the contortions of a Western Ocean mail boat in an Atlantic gale."
A fairy tale always begins "Once upon a time." A sea story always begins "Now this ain't no s**t"
I have posted this one from Lightoller's Titanic and Other Ships on another board, but quite a while ago. Forgive me if you've seen it!
Now, this ain't no s**t!
(The ship is the Majestic, in a really dirty North Atlantic gale. The scene is the Officers' Mess.)
"On one occasion a huge roast of beef was planted on the Second Officer's pillow. He was on the bridge at the time, and although immensely fond of a practical joke at other people's expense, could never bear to have one played on himself, but this was on him all right. The roast of beef was on one end of the mess room table which ran athwartships, and it was the custom, in this ship only, for the First Officer to carve. The boat gave one of her terrific lurches, which, when accompanied by the propellor coming out of the water, engenders a sensation immeasurably worse than an express lift dropping from the upper floors of a skyscraper.
The First must have thought the Chief was going to check the beef. One did not, neither did the other, with the result that it came careering across the table, and having got a good start, each officer cheered it on its way. At the far end of the table, the dish was brought up with a jerk, by striking the fiddle, or wooden stretcher that is placed there to keep the cutlery and plates within bounds. The edge of the dish had just sufficient lip to give the roast an upward trend, and, although there were two bunks, one above the other, and over ten feet of space, the roast described a graceful parabola through the air, across the rest of the messroom, through Barber's cabin, and came to rest on his pillow. The messroom steward at once set out to retrieve it, but we unanimously agreed that it was in far too good a place to be disturbed.
Barber had a habit of coming off the bridge and asking the steward what the others had had for their meal, as, of course, in these ships, there is a pretty long menu. We had coached the steward before we had retired to our cabins and when Barber made his usual enquiry, "Well, Davies, what have you got," followed by "What have the others had? Oh, all right, I'll have the roast beef too," Davies replied, "The roast beef is in your bunk, sir." At first, Barber didn't know what to make of it, then, when he did realise this, as the song goes, "The air went blue for miles around." and to this day, he believes it was put there. When you take into consideration that the edge of the bunk was five feet from the deck, and ten feet from the edge of the table, it certainly did seem pretty near an impossibility, but at the same time, it will give a fairly clear idea of the contortions of a Western Ocean mail boat in an Atlantic gale."